As we continue to mourn the loss of our beloved E3, gaming’s three day convention/celebration to shine in the spotlight to all the filthy casuals worldwide, we here at Video Game Town have decided to embrace the dregs that remain. In the place of a massive industry-wide convention is Geoff Keighley’s red-headed stepchild: Summer Game Fest — featuring 75% fewer game reveals, and 125% more ads. It’s a lose-lose experience for gamers, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Eat up your slop, piggies!

Predicting, clowning on, and grading the performances and trailers coming out of the big summer showcases was a highlight of my year, and if you’re reading this article, it likely served that purpose for you as well. We’ll never be able to relive the peak E3 experience, but we can put odds on what we’re likely to see from Geoff’s incredibly too long show.

Kojima

Kojima makes an appearance with ‘Death Stranding 2’ or ‘OD:’ +100

As we all know, Geoff’s best friend in the whole wide world is Hideo Kojima, and this notorious auteur has two games coming out. Heck, one of them is in June! The other is probably years away, code named “Overdose,” and sort of officially titled “OD.” The single most likely thing to happen at this year’s show (since I don’t remember it happening last year) is Kojima showing his face in some capacity. And then a trailer rolls for too long, it weirds us all out, and everyone goes ape shit regardless.

Remember “The Phantom Pain?” Has anyone made a better game since then? I certainly don’t think so, and that’s a damn shame.

Konami

“Silent Hill f,” “MGS Delta:” +200

Remember Konami? They suck, and need to bring back “Castlevania,” but in the hands of real game developers, and not the kings of pachinko machines and poor decisions.

We might get new trailers for their upcoming games. I will not buy them until reliable people tell me they’re good, and then only if they’re on sale.

Take Two & Co.

“MindsEye,” “Borderlands 4,” “Lies of P” DLC, “Mafia: The Old Country,” “Dying Light: The Beast:” +250

I’m interested in all of these, so I wouldn’t mind seeing more gameplay. This is probably the end of the “extremely likely” section, so if you’re placing friendly bets among friends, target nothing past this on the list.

Microsoft & Ubisoft

“Gears of War” remaster, new “Call of Duty,” new “Battlefield,” Far Cry 7,” “Assassin’s Creed: Shadows” DLC: +350

Microsoft and Ubisoft are the two biggest contributors to the post-E3 era, and thank goodness for them. They know and understand that by participating they make the industry healthier and better.

With that being said, where the flying fuck is “Far Cry 7?” It’s a project that’s been leaking like a sieve for several years now. Where the hell is it? Ubisoft, it seems, has nothing to release. No “Rayman,” no “Splinter Cell”, no nothing. Not even a “Trials.” A company devoid of ideas and fun (and money for that matter) who refuses to put out anything not involving ancient assassins.

Capcom

“Street Fighter 6″ DLC, “Resident Evil 9,” “RE 0” or “Code Veronica” remake, “Onimusha: Way of the Sword,” “Monster Hunter Wilds” DLC, anything “Devil May Cry:” +500

Boy, these need to happen ASAP, right? We all know they’re all in the works, only a matter of time before they hit, but Capcom doesn’t tend to do big live streams by themselves throughout the year. Typically, we’d expect something around the summer non-E3 window, so what better place to show off that new open world RE than to an audience of millions?

Clown Makeup

“Hollow Knight: Silksong,” “Half-Life 3,” “BioShock 4,” “Judas:” +650

Okay, you might be screaming at your monitor right now, and to that I say: I know, but I don’t care.

Everything else beneath this is more unlikely to happen, because we’ve already seen new “Silksong” gameplay this calendar year, there are reports that Valve is showing up to Papa Keighley’s event with a new project, we know “BioShock 4” is in the works, and has been for far too long, and the last time we saw “Judas” was at Summer Game Fest.

These might not happen, but man, oh man, are they more likely than some of the dumb shit I keep hearing about. “FF7 Remake” part 3? Get the fuck out of here!

Marvel & Microsoft Nonsense

“Marvel 1943,” “Wolverine,” EA’s “Iron Man” game, EA’s “Black Panther” game, “Fable,” “Gears E-Day,” “Perfect Dark:” +750

I wasn’t sure where to place the Marvel licensed games, or the 2026 Microsoft slate, so I put them here. None of these things will be shown, the showcase is the usual parade of unrevealed projects, indie titles, and other random assorted bullshit. But I would love to see Marvel 1943 for once, and maybe this is the time to get that.

But I live in the real world, and good things do not just happen like that. It usually involves the curling finger of a monkey’s paw, like when From Soft made a “Bloodborne” spiritual successor, but it’s only on the Switch 2 and it’s PvPvE. Miyazaki, stop making multiplayer games!

JRPG Mania

“Kingdom Hearts 4,” new “Chrono” game, “FF9” remake, “Persona 4” remake, “Persona 6:” +1000

Ah yes, the weeabo section. Nobody releases high quality games that sell well while still missing the company’s projections quite like Square Enix. I expect that trend to continue no matter what they end up working on.

And as for Atlus, they just put out “Metaphor,” so cool it with the “Persona” talk, nerds.

Sega

“Crazy Taxi” reboot, “Jet Set Radio” reboot, “Sonic” anything: +1500

Sega might show off the new “Shinobi,” but as for the other games, I fear this is not going to happen this summer. Which is a shame, because based on the karma humanity is shedding with its collective actions around the globe, we all deserve to not get “Crazy Taxi” and instead get more “Sonic” trash shoved down our throats. Sickening stuff; I can’t fathom it.

The Cruft

“Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2,” “State of Decay 3,” “Black Myth: Wukong” DLC, “Darksiders 4,” “Sinking City 2,” “Star Wars: Eclipse,” “Remnant 3,” “Light No Fire:” +2000

These may or may not come out, and they go here. I think most of ’em aren’t real video games, so I refuse to discuss them any further.

The Heavy Hitters

Anything new from Nintendo, anything from Naughty Dog — especially “Intergalactic,” “The Legend of Zelda” movie, Bluepoint’s new project, anything from Rockstar: +2500

Maybe — maybe — Nintendo throws us a bone with a new Switch 2 title. Most likely is they show off commercials during the breaks for the console itself, which you cannot buy because they will all be sold out. Too bad!

Nope

“Beyond Good and Evil 2,” “Pragmata,” “Deep Down,” “Everwild,” “Scalebound:” +3500

Never going to happen.

When’s Mahvel?

“Marvel vs. Capcom 5:” +4000

Really never going to happen.

Clown Makeup Redux

The word “Bloodborne” is said or shown off: +5000

Sony needs to be eradicated as a corporation for their mishandling of the “Bloodborne” IP. Send those execs to jail.

We all know that game sold like eight million copies or more, and “Elden Ring” just hit 30 million. Maybe just release a patch with 60 fps? But no — can’t be bothered.

I hope that company rots in the fiery pits of hell. Let it all — (My editor whispers into my ear) — What’s that? “Ghost of Yotei” is coming out this year? Okay, I’ll back off for now and shut up.

Image credit: Javon Swaby