a person snapping

Wildly popular digital collectible card game “Marvel Snap” is constantly getting new cards — at least one a week. It’s kept that cadence up since launch, but with the notable name brand characters left dwindling, I am still puzzled at who we’re seeing recently.

Mercury? Elixir? Xorn? Who the hell are these loser X-Men, and where the hell are my obscure, D-tier Spider-Man villains? Where is Alpha Fight, Generation X, Sleepwalker, Flag Smasher, or the Wrecking Crew? Hell, why not add in Conan and Kulan Gath while we’re at it?! No love for Grasshopper, Tarn the Uncaring or Isca the Unbeaten, “Snap” team?

In July, we are getting some repeat characters as cards again, but with an MCU twist. The Fantastic Four are already in “Snap” as very unplayable beginner cards, but with the upcoming “First Steps” film we are getting the “First Steps” versions of them with new card texts and synergistic abilities. And that’s fine and all, I guess, but it’s also going to get confusing to receive two or more cards of the same heroes. We already have a Groot, a Rocket Raccoon, and a Groot+Rocket card. Do we need another? No.

With the precedent set of having a Hulk AND a Bruce Banner card, expect Peter Parker and Tony Stark to show up soon enough. What a headache that’ll be!

So let me pitch some upcoming seasons that are themed around rogues’ galleries who haven’t seen the light of day. I’m sure there are hundreds of aliens in the Guardians of the Galaxy side of the Marvel universe to include, and a billion other worthless X-Men created past the year 2000, right?

A future season for “Ironheart” on Disney+

Let’s kick this list off by asking: why in the world would Marvel/Disney not do a tie-in season for this TV miniseries that desperately needs marketing and attention, instead of just doing more timely drops for the films like “Fantastic Four: First Steps?” I think there are way more interesting characters here, since so many of Ironheart and Iron Man’s rogues’ gallery has a ton of weirdos that intrigue me — mostly because the series is over now, and it left me excited for more.

  • Mephisto — The literal devil. He’s the hellish entity who offers deals to heroes, and for some reason, they keep taking them. Peter Parker saved Aunt May, Ironheart brought her dead friend back, The Hood has guns that have tracking bullets, he’s full of fun surprises.

    He’s been a datamined card for years, but has yet to appear. I love the leaked card text that he doubles your winning rewards, but has no power and costs a hefty six mana. That’s the kind of greed Mephisto would rock with as a card, for sure.

  • Iron Monger/Obadiah Stane and his son Zeke Stane — You make these two into different cards, and maybe they interact with each other. One is a bald angry man in a big robot suit, and the other is a slightly less bald less angry fellow with augmented cyborg upgrades to his body.

  • Stuart Clarke/Rampage The only reason he’s on this list is because he showed up on the show played by Eric fucking Andre. I want more of him, please!

  • Blackheart You might remember this demon from “Marvel vs. Capcom 2” or in that bad “Ghost Rider” movie with Nic Cage. His dark powers would fit right in with the entire Doctor Strange collection of cards who produce ‘skills’ (magical spells turned into cards in your hand) that don’t have any power, but do cost mana. Give him some black magic, and then we have ourselves a season pass card worth buying!
  • The Mandarin (the real one) Is it racist to include a Chinese man who has mysterious powers in 2025? The movies wouldn’t really touch him — not until they could completely start from scratch on his design and name. So maybe just do the Tony Leung Xu Wenwu version of the character, and don’t ever sell artwork that has the Fu Manchu caricature. That’s the only way this would fly without backlash.

  • Trevor Slattery (the fake Mandarin) He’s just a fun goof who fans love, Ben Kingsley did a phenomenal job in the movies and short films he appears in, portraying the serious thespian who is a gigantic idiot with a heart of gold.

  • Aldrich Killian (another fake Mandarin) The creator of the Extremis virus, and another “Mandarin” which tries its hardest to avoid the Asian man with a long beard from the ’60s. I’m really trying to figure out a way to include him without just doing this.

  • Happy Hogan Tony’s best friend, played by Jon Favreau, is just a cool dude. I’d love to see him in “Marvel Snap” doing something like transporting a card from one lane to another, or coming to save someone from danger.

  • Fing Fang Foom A literal dragon. Put a literal dragon into the game because the art alone would be incredible.

  • Whiplash Mickey Rourke’s weirdo Russian supervillain didn’t get the best transition from the comics to the big screen. He’s just a dude with electric whip arms, but when has being stupid stopped this game from including you before?

  • JARVIS This is the voice and A.I. that would become Vision, and you could do something similar like with Cerebro, Quinjet, or the SHIELD Carrier.

  • Justin Hammer All I want is for Academy Award winner Sam Rockwell to dance his way into “Marvel Snap” as the charismatic Justin Hammer. Just another guy in a suit, but he could equip other cards on the battlefield with weapons. Or dance moves — either one.

Fantastic Four leftovers (who are definitely not in “First Steps”) and other cool robots for the upcoming “Vision” series

Now for the aforementioned sci-fi inclusions who are tied to the most intelligent members of the Marvel universe (the First Family). There’s a ton of FF4 characters incoming this summer, thanks to the upcoming film (I’m hype for Mole Man and the new Silver Surfer), but also many, many more who are not on that list.

  • Molecule Man Not in the movie “First Steps,” but should be in “Snap.”

  • Val Richards No one knows which child Sue Storm is pregnant with in the movie, but the recent trailers reveal she has a bun in the oven. My money is on the next person on the list, due to the sheer power gifted by the Marvel writers, but include both for “Snap!”

  • Franklin Richards Maybe the smartest, most powerful character in Marvel comics. A litany of story lines to pull from, alter egos, time travels, variants, etc.

  • Vin Vision I know Scarlet Witch already had children (or conjured them, technically) with Wiccan and Speed, who were on “Wandavision.” But let’s get some love for the other kid, the sole one remaining since Viv is joining the game in September. He’s a mini Vision with green hair. That’s just neat.

  • E.D.I.T.H. Actress Emily Hampshire has been reportedly cast to be Tony Stark’s augmented reality security defense system in this “Vision” series. I’d certainly like to see other pieces of tech turned into cards ala Cerebro.

  • Karnak He won’t be in the movie, probably not any movie because of his close association to the Inhumans and Gorgon. But he’s had a recent glow-up, so that would be neat to see some new art and old school costumes as variants.

  • Abraxas This is the other cosmic entity who won’t be included because it isn’t a tall man wearing a purple outfit with a silly hat. Still, there’s some fantastic artwork for Abraxas. He’s very cool — like a Roman philosopher in space.

Hawkeye/Luke Cage’s street level thugs and crime bosses

And finally, let’s get to some regular Joe’s who use guns, fists, and bows. Or all three. A lot of these characters have already been portrayed on TV, so you’d think they would be notable enough to warrant inclusion into the game. And yet…

  • The Purple Man Wonderfully played by David Tennant on the first season of “Jessica Jones,” he’s such a great villain, and this is a huge oversight to not include him with his mind control powers.

  • Serpent Society members (Copperhead, Cottonmouth, Constrictor, Sidewinder, Rattler, Death Adder, Bushmaster, Black Mamba, Asp, Anaconda) If Giancarlo Esposito, Mahershala Ali, and the very underrated Mustafa Shakir weren’t enough to launch the Serpent Society into the mainstream, why not try “Snap?” We already have Diamondback and Viper, make these goons have their own season for a month!

  • Lucky the Pizza Dog The big breakout for this adorable guy was in Matt Fraction’s “Hawkeye” comic book series, one of my favs, which was the main inspiration for the Disney+ series (also showed up in that too).

  • Trish Walker/Hellcat Jessica Jones’ best buddy. I took immediate attention to her when played by Rachael Taylor for the Netflix series. Add her ASAP please.

  • Madame Masque Another down to earth bad guy who runs a gang, she showed up in that fabulous “Hawkeye” run towards the end, where Kate Bishop took her on. Including her could lead to fun variants.

  • Coldfire I just threw this guy in for laughs. He’s a notable Luke Cage villain with a cool name (pun intended).

Image credit: Jom Jakkid

One response to “‘Marvel Snap’s’ Most Desperately Needed Characters: A Wish List”

  1. […] is the second part in an ongoing series where I attempt to predict, or at the very least try and force into existence, all of the […]

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