‘Marvel Snap’ Needs A New Muscle Mommy (Or At Least Some Disney+ Slop)

Wildly popular digital collectible card game “Marvel Snap” is constantly getting new cards — at least one a week. It’s kept that cadence up since launch, but with the notable name brand characters left dwindling, I am still puzzled at who we’re seeing recently.

This is the second part in an ongoing series where I attempt to predict, or at the very least try and force into existence, all of the characters yet to arrive in the game. So let me pitch some upcoming seasons that are themed around rogues’ galleries who haven’t seen the light of day.

Captain America-adjacent weirdos, SHIELD/Black Panther characters, and anyone from the upcoming ‘Wonder Man’ series on Disney+

Time for a catch all section, because there aren’t any upcoming MCU projects to piggy back off of (the game loves using new movies and shows for cross promotion). Maybe the new “Marvel 1943” game could be a way to sneak in some of these characters?

Wonder Man — They got Yahya Abdul-Mateen II to be Wonder Man! Put this guy into “Marvel Snap” immediately because he’s gonna be the star of an entire Disney+ miniseries.
Red She-Hulk — there’s already a Red Hulk in the game, and everyone loves him. More She-Hulk art, thank you. I was NOT horny when I typed that sentence, please don’t put that in the newspaper that I was horny for She-Hulk.
Grim Reaper — He’s the bad guy in the miniseries, so an obvious add as well. Grim Reaper is a wicked cool Avengers bad guy, so he’ll fit in perfectly.
Grey Hulk — More Hulk in the game, the better!
Everett K. Ross — He’s in the movies so often that you’d imagine he was in the game by now, but no, Martin Freeman isn’t getting residual checks. Pay my man!
Queen Ramonda — Angela Bassett almost won an Oscar for playing her in “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” god damn it! Why is she not in “Snap” buffing other cards or inspiring the player?
Various other people from the “Black Panther” films (N’Jobu, Zuri, W’Kabi, T’Chaka) — The Black Panther extended universe feels a little light in terms of who is included in the game right now. There’s lots of more side kicks, bad guys, and friendly faces from the films to include if they want to deepen that bench. Plus, the artwork alone would be worth it.
Tigra — She’s a literal cheetah-human hybrid, not to be confused with Kristen Wiig’s Cheetah from the bad “Wonder Woman” sequel.
The Howling Commandos — We were already promised Dum Dum Dugan as a card, but that got pulled at the last second. So where is Cap’s team? Bring these guys back!
Yo-Yo / Slingshot — Here’s another character who was data mined, but has yet to be released as of yet. Being super fast and bouncing around could be an interesting addition to a bounce deck, or she could be an alternative to Quicksilver/Makkari.
Songbird — This is NOT Mockingbird, who is already in the game as an extremely busted six-drop. Songbird can turn sound into constructs as well as hypnotize people. Maybe a mind possession skill that steals a card from the opponent’s side of the board?
Weapon H — It’s a big Hulk monster with Wolverine claws and shit. Why not add this fucker in there?

Another ‘Daredevil’ season, maybe even for Season 2 of ‘Born Again’ on Disney+

Daredevil is back, and better than ever. Now that Disney got the character right, I would love to see more of his mythology expanded on screen as well as more of the pivotal characters join “Marvel Snap” in a brand new season that coincides with a future batch of episodes coming to Disney Plus.

Muse — This creepy bastard is a relatively new addition, but he did appear in “Born Again,” and he should definitely be included in the game. A serial killer who does murders for his art — that would lead to some neat R-rated signature card art.
Stick — Matt Murdock’s blind mentor is truly unhinged for teaching children martial arts like he does. Let him whack other cards with his stick, damn it!
Foggy Nelson — Not too many civilians make it as a card, since the abilities tied to them are usually just dying (think Uncle Ben) or adding random cards into your hand (Agent Colson, Valentina, etc.). But Foggy deserves to be included, because he’s Daredevil’s best friend.
Karen Page — Foggy’s long-time love interest and friend. “Snap” developer Second Dinner can come up with a fun angle to take on these two lawyers — like using the legal system to ban a card from being played or locking them up in prison.
Father Lantom — And speaking of regular humans, why not a priest? Heal cards who took damage, bless them with boosted stats, or be a whimpering coward who does nothing, all options are on the table with Father Lantom.
Sister Maggie — And for Sister Maggie, aka Matt’s mother, clearly she has to save/revive a card and protect them from being targeted or having their ongoing effects nullified.
Claire Temple/Night Nurse — Just reuse the ideas from above, and do it again with a different stat/mana cost. Rosario Dawson played her on the show, so let’s get some justice for that woman, please!
Gladiator (Melvin Potter) — The dude who made Daredevil’s costume kept showing up on the Netflix series, and eventually he becomes his own caped crusader. Now, he chose a name of a preexisting character in the game already, a blue skinned flying alien, but I’m sure he would just be included by his normal name Melvin and would give other characters extra points like he’s upgrading their armor.
All the other strange bad guys (Mr. Hyde, Death Stalker, The Owl, Jester, and Mister Fear) — If you really want to scrape the bottom of the barrel, just do a season of these goofballs. They’re all unique, somewhat interesting crooks who don’t rise to the level of archnemesis, but hey, they all can’t be winners.
Baron von Strucker — You may remember this Nazi/Hydra agent in the second “Avengers” film, and yeah he was big enough to make it in live-action, but not enough to actually do anything. But considering “Snap” is running out of bigger name characters, he’ll do just fine to weasel his way in with his monocle and his evil science experiments.
Stilt-Man — I love Stilt-Man because he is so ridiculous. All comic nerds love him because of how dumb it is to have a person named Stilt-Man be in continuity. He just uses stilts! That’s it, and yet he persists like Big Wheel and Calendar Man.
Nuke — The nincompoop who takes red, white, and blue pills. Nuke is a very iconic weirdo because he showed up in Frank Miller’s work with an American flag tattooed to his face. He also fought Wolverine once, but Captain America came in to stop that.
Swordsman — The beautiful Tony Dalton got to be one of the original ’60s comics Avengers. Albeit, a simple guy who just uses a sword real good, but nonetheless he needs to be included in “Snap” just for the variants of the OG comics cover highlighting him.

Let’s Do the Great Lakes Avengers!

These lovable losers are a total joke, even more pathetic and lame than the Guardians of the Galaxy were before the year 2000. Every one of these members could have wildly strange and unique powers, be total blank canvases for new mechanics, and some are even data mined to be in the game already (and have been for years), so it’s safe to say the devs have been thinking along the same lines as me. Which is good because I’m smart and creative.

Mr. Immortal — He had a fun appearance in the “She-Hulk” series, sporting a nice ascot and lots of ex-wives. Could pair well in destroy decks since he can’t die.
Flatman — This flat doofus is already said to be in the Snap game files, thanks to data miners, but it’s been years since that leaked. He just does what Mr. Fantastic does but less powerful and for cheaper, which makes sense.
Dinah Soar — If you thought this pink winged weirdo looks like a dinosaur, that’s because her name is a literal pun on the word “dinosaur.” I’ll pause for laughter, but she can fly and do sonic screams, so we have to include Wisconsin’s Winged Wonder in the group.
Big Bertha — One of my favorite cards in the game currently is the Blob, and Big Bertha could be a terrific addition to the “get a lot of stats on the board” six-drop to end the late game with.
Doorman/Angel of Death — One of the cooler mechanics in “Snap” is the destruction cards, specifically the ones where you destroy it and then a different character pops out. Kill Uncle Ben, and Spider-Man appears. Kill Bucky Barnes, and the Winter Soldier appears. Why not Doorman turning into the Angel of Death? That would be very badass for a group of losers like the Great Lakes Avengers.
Monkey Joe and Tippy Toe — Despite the name, Monkey Joe is a squirrel. And since everybody loves Squirrel Girl, give her a friend! Who has a very misleading name, unfortunately. Tippy-Toe on the other hand is a perfectly acceptable name for a squirrel.
Gravity — Finally, let’s include good ol’ Greg Willis — the man who can manipulate gravity itself. He’s been on a number of teams, including the Young Avengers at one point in time, and is a relatively newer character to the comics, which would boost his popularity to be included in “Snap” as someone who could affect the board or other cards.

Image credit: Rambling Roy