I will never acknowledge that the Chargers left San Diego. Didn’t happen, shouldn’t have happened, can’t happen. They’re from San Diego, we all know this. LA will never claim them, and should not. So let’s get that straight going forward, Los Angeles only has two football teams. The Raiders sometimes and the Rams sometimes. Nobody in that city truly cares about anything except the Lakers and Dodgers, so everyone else should probably just leave.

And let’s not forget that building stadiums and arenas in LA has a very dark history (namely clearing out poor and brown people from living on valuable land).

What I Wrote Last Year:

“Anywho, how in the fuck did the San Diego Chargers not win that year they had LT go off, with Rivers and Gates and Schottenheimer. Honestly, how? 2006, that should have been your year! Would have been so nice to have another competitor in the AFC to combat against all of those Patriot wins* they legitimately** won***. But much like Dan Fouts, Philip Rivers, and now Justin Herbert, your franchise has the opposite problem that most others do. You get the franchise guy quite easily! You’re so good at doing that, nail it every single time it’s infuriating. Because then you do next to nothing and their careers are just empty stats and a gold jacket. Brutal.

Ladd McConkey, sham name. Like a character in “Baulder’s Gate,” what kind of a 19th-century ass name is that? Did he start the boxer rebellion too? I swear McConkey is the sound Bob Iger made Greedo say in the Cantina for the Disney+ version of “Star Wars.”

The people of San Diego deserve better. Well, no they don’t because they live in San Diego which has perfect weather year-round but still. Ultimately, I can only really criticize the talent accumulated on the field by the decision-makers off the field, and the Chargers are maybe the greatest at getting the least out of their talent I’ve ever seen. Just a series of great moves and horrible luck with injuries. If having your team doctor accidentally puncture your starters’ lungs before a game leads to your newfound franchise guy blossoming immediately, then that’s a sign. If that isn’t, then I don’t know what is.”

I’ve been to San Diego since I wrote that, and it DID have perfect weather, and is maybe the most beautiful city in America. Truly sickening that they had a football team and a basketball team. They deserve to have that ripped from them. They don’t need all that junk when they have clear skies, sandy beaches, and only rich neighbors.

Last Season: It all went so well, until the playoffs started, and then bad Herbert came out to play. How shameful is it that he turns into a pumpkin as soon as the weather gets NOT cold. Haha! I couldn’t resist — of course LA weather is far too hot to make that joke. They got trounced by the Texans, it wasn’t close, which is piss poor because I’m not sure Houston is actually all that good. Give Jim another season to iron out the defense, sign another WR, and then things should get cooking.

Vegas Over/Under: 9.5

Owner: Nepo baby Dean Spanos who was gifted the team from his father. Not that this team has done dick since they lost that Super Bowl in 1995. Still cannot believe that LT Rivers team got blanked in 2006. I mean, I can believe it. They went up against the cheating Patriots, who cheated and nobody did anything about it.

Back to what I was saying though: The Spanos family sucks at owning a football team. The Chargers are losers, have been since day one, and will never win anything. They even have to share a stadium with the Rams. Why the fuck do the two biggest cities in the US have both teams sharing a stadium? What poverty does NYC and LA suffer through that they can’t afford these teams to play elsewhere?

GM: Joe Horitz came along with Jim Harbaugh in 2024, and he brings with him two SB rings from his time with the Ravens. Only one of those was with the other Harbaugh, so he clearly loves the Harbaugh family as much as my family does. I should disclose that my family roots for Michigan, go blue, and that Jim has brought a lot of joy to our lives, and we think he’s the best coach out there giving the most insane quotes a human being can give. His opinions on food, on life, just anything in general, are the ramblings of a madman. But my god does he know everything about football.

Coach: Look at this beautiful mother fucker right here. This is the face of a champion.

Who wakes up and thinks that? Who sets goals like this guy? Not a single sane person alive, that’s who. Jim will keep this team whipped into shape for as long as he’s still standing, but the curse of the Chargers is just too much to overcome, so he won’t get to a Super Bowl. Not when his division has HOF coaches in Andy Reid, Pete Carroll, and Sean Payton.

You could show me any fake Jim Harbaugh quote and I'd believe it was true https://t.co/dZaDLriwol

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) August 6, 2025

He is sooooo hungry he needs to find his wife and go to PF Chang’s.

QB: I love that everybody agrees Justin Herbert is great, we all acknowledge it, and yet his career started on a freak accident. A total fluke got him into the starting lineup, and he’s never stopped playing. And when last summer came around NO ONE would touch Herbert with a 10-foot pole for fantasy. “No receivers” they cried, and yet he won me a fantasy championship in a 16-man league (thanks, waiver wire) and Ladd McConkey is a legit stud. Who needs constantly hurt old men like Keenan Allen and Mike Williams when you have Jim Fucking Harbaugh?

I’m sorry to report that Justin Herbert threw yet another pick while I was writing this section, he just can’t help himself when the pressure gets turned up. The curse of the Chargers strikes again!

Line Play: Jim knows how to win (go blue), and that means dominating the line of scrimmage. The key to success is winning the trenches, so that’s why this team went from bad to good in a single year. Now they have a top-ten line, an upcoming sophomore season for Joe Alt, the shambling corpse of Jets draft bust Mekhi Becton, and (reading notes) it says here a first round bust named Zion… oh, Zion Johnson. Not Zion Williamson — never mind. Read that wrong.

Unfortunately, that new deal for Rashawn Slater that makes him the highest paid OL… Well, it just got a lot worse. He’s out for the season, and you are a man down. Maybe you don’t have a top ten line now?Plus your front seven is below average, which will not help you beat Patrick Mahomes. Ever.

2025 Draft: The crux of this team’s success in Harbaugh year two is that there’s a lot of reliance on rookie playmakers. Last year it was Ladd McConkey, who worked out! But this year it’s starting RB Omarion Hampton (who allegedly wasn’t your first choice but a deal fell through and you just randomly took him) and newcomer Tre Harris, who is being forced down my throat in fantasy drafts. If either one can’t live up to expectations, this offense will be easy to stop. Najee Harris is already hurt, and he couldn’t play when he wasn’t. The ice is real thin in San Diego, methinks.

Red State: California is so important to the union that it single-handedly carries most other states on its back. It’s now the fourth largest economy in the world, surpassing Japan of all places, and that’s with a piece of shit governor in Gavin Newsom! Even he can’t fuck up how crucially vital California is to keeping America afloat. It should have 100 electoral college points assigned to it, or states like Kentucky can pay for their own education. Minority rule has ruined this country for far too long.

Dumbest Move: I want to pin the awful five year J.C. Jackson signing to the current leadership, but that was a GM ago. And I want to blame this team for trading up for Kenneth Murray, but that too was an entire front office ago. What the hell did this team mess up then?

A concerning amount of people had to think this was a good idea for it to happen. https://t.co/VmFH5tNwfr

— Adam Drovetta (@ADrovetta) August 28, 2023

Oh, right. Jeez, usually the Chargers social media is the best in the business, but I still remember how cringe this shit was.

Read more here.

Smartest Teams with Recent Rings to Show For It:

1 — Eagles

2 — Chiefs

3 — Rams

Mostly lucky, but somewhat wise/savvy:

4 – Packers

5 — Ravens

6 – Broncos

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Image credit: Nathan Dumlao