I have a hunch that the only reason that Nintendo gave legendary game director Masahiro Sakurai a chance to make “Kirby Air Riders” for the Switch 2 is because he agreed to make a follow-up to “Smash Ultimate.” That means more money for Nintendo, another “Smash” for fans, and years of hype, rumors, and speculation.

It’s all but inevitable the teaser for “Smash 6” will come at a Direct sometime in the next year or two, it’ll include a new playable character, and it’ll be the most buzzed about thing online since “GTA VI” had a trailer reveal. But how could you possibly live up to a game that had every single character ever, almost every single stage, tons of DLC, and was in all ways the most ultimate form of “Smash?”

Strip it down to the bone, and start over from scratch, of course!

I can’t envision how on earth HAL Laboratory, Bandai Namco, and Sora Ltd. would change the DNA of “Smash’s” gameplay, but I do know you can easily include new fun costumes for Donkey Kong from “Bananza” or Yoshi being wooly/crafted. That’s all par for the course. But more importantly: Who is being cut from the roster?

I’d easily remove all echo fighters as they can just be skins. Or, I guess in “Smash” parlance, new “colors.” I’d also remove the following:

• Every Pokémon (except Pikachu and Jigglypuff)
• Pirahna Plant
• Isabelle
• Ridley
• Corrin
• Shulk
• Robin
• Palutena
• Mii fighters
• Wolf
• Toon Link
• Lucas
• Ike
• Zero Suit Samus
• Falco
• Sheik
• Dr. Mario
• Kazuya
• Sephiroth
• Pyra
• Mythra
• Min Min
• Byleth
• Terry
• Joker

Poof! All gone. We don’t need so many “Fire Emblem” sword jerks or Pokémon, but what we do need is some new blood. So let’s get into who are the long shots to make this new roster.

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‘No Way in Hell’ Division

• Anyone from Sony, but especially Klonoa, Tomba, Sir Daniel Fortesque, and Spike from “Ape Escape”
• Toe Jam or Earl
• Glover
• Gex
• Bubsy
• Blinx the Time Sweeper
• Any Dreamland critters
• Penny from “Penny’s Big Breakaway”
• Hat Girl
• Diver from “Endless Ocean”
• Lara Croft
• Seaman
• One Punch Man
• King Kong
• Godzilla

Can you imagine Sony playing ball with Nintendo to get Kratos or Aloy into a “Smash” game? Yeah, I can’t either. Neither can I see any other ’90s cartoon platformer showing up. Not happening. Sorry, folks.

‘I Would Be Stunned’ Division

• Master Chief
• Astro Bot
• Goku
• Mickey Mouse or Oswalt the Lucky Rabbit
• Doom Guy
• Super Meat Boy
• Zero/Proto Man/Bass
• Dr. Robotnik
• Solaire of Astora
• Dr. Kawashima
• King Hippo/Glass Joe/Mike Tyson
• Samurai Goro
• Mr. Driller
• Shadow the Hedgehog

I tried my best to come up with reasons why this group would be included since the internet loves to convince themselves it’ll happen. And while I could see several Japanese companies like Sega or Capcom continuing the tradition of including their characters in “Smash,” I don’t see these particular ones making the cut. No matter how much we cry for Goku, Doom Guy, or Master Chief. Hell, I would give everything in my bank account to see From Software give Sakurai Solaire over to praise the sun.

‘Real Dark Horses’ Division

• Leon S. Kennedy
• Tingle
• Tails
• Knuckles
• Tom Nook
• Krystal
• Box Boy or Box Girl
• Isaac from “The Binding of Isaac”
• Rusty from “Real Deal Baseball”
• Galacta Knight from “Kirby”
• Anyone from “Yakuza”
• Noodle the Snake

Now, could I see these characters making it? More than the last two groups! Leon hit super stardom on the Gamecube exclusive “Resident Evil 4,” Krystal would have a great moveset from her time kicking ass in “Star Fox Adventures,” and if they can make Isabelle fight why not mob boss Tom Nook? I’m mostly hoping to see Tails and Tingle make it because I like them best.

‘Puncher’s Chance’ Division

• Rayman
• Rabbid
• Oatchi
• Poochy
• Shovel Knight
• Dragaux
• Any of the Warioware gang (9 Volt, Ashley, etc.)
• Professor E. Gadd
• Prince of All Cosmos

Side tangent: Why haven’t they made a sequel to “Ring Fit Adventure” yet? Where is “Luigi’s Mansion 4” for Switch 2? Where the hell is “Pikmin 5?” And do I think another “Rayman” or “Rabbids” game is being worked on silently?

The answer to all of these questions could be “Plausibly” if they coincide with the announcement of a new “Super Smash Bros.” game. I mean, they’re making a new “Yoshi,” so just include Poochy the dog! People love dogs.

‘I Would Not Be Shocked’ Division

• Literally every missing Kong (Lanky, Dixie, Funky, Cranky, Tiny, and Kiddy Kong)
• Spyro the Dragon
• Crash Bandicoot
• Waluigi
• Geno
• Mallow
• Chibi Robot
• Kamek
• Nabbit
• Octoling
• Shantae
• Midna on Wolf Link

Nintendo and Universal are working on a solo Donkey Kong film. They just released the “Donkey Kong Bananza” DLC that lays it thick on nostalgia. They gotta add a member of the group, you know them well. And you also know Mario’s friends/frienemies Waluigi, Geno, Mallow, Kamek, and Nabbit.

I could see these making the cut due to fan uproar. Especially if they take into account the voting that got Sora and Cloud into the game. Shantae has been on a lot of Nintendo consoles over the years! Chibi Robot is back on the NSO! Things are happening.

‘The Obvious’ Division

• New fighting type Pokemon from the next generation of games
• Petey Pirahna
• Captain Toad/Toadette
• Birdo
• Pauline
• Waddle Dee with spear
• Paper Mario
• Yooka and Laylee
• Spring Man
• King Boo
• King Bomb-omb

If I had to put money on it, these would be my bets for new “Smash” characters purely because they seem safe and very Nintendo-like picks.

Birdo shooting out eggs, Captain Toad throwing mushrooms and turnips, Pauline smacking people with brass instruments, Paper Mario whacking foes with his hammer and spike boots, and so on.

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Image Credit: Nintendo