The NBA and Nike love money and selling these new jerseys to suckers. Fans with disposable income and horrible taste everywhere can wear these ugly-ass monstrosities around their local cities.
The criteria for these rankings? None; it’s just me deciding what looks cool and then writing a single sentence about it. Enjoy!
30. Portland Trail Blazers
These are so bad I thought they were Phoenix’s jerseys by mistake because the PDX makes me think “Phoenix” and not “Portland”; wrong color, weird stripe, and no rizz whatsoever.
29. Oklahoma City Thunder
Well, the right city is on the jersey (unlike last time), but the font and lack of anything else is just unforgivable from a design standpoint.
28. Boston Celtics
Some teams should never change their colors, and the Celtics are probably the standard for this piece of wisdom; gold and white? GTFOH.
27. LA Lakers
What the fuck is this triangle they’re trying to make with the city?
26. LA Clippers
This would be a terrific jersey if the Clippers AT ALL had these colors, logos, or stars on their sides normally (which they don’t!).
25. Dallas Mavericks
This is just a boring, totally whatever jersey that is only memorable because of the weird shit on the sides.
24. Washington Wizards
These are excellent throwback jerseys… Unfortunately I never liked them to begin with since the gold just looks bizarre.
23. Utah Jazz
I have just one word for these: Blah.
22. Philadelphia 76ers
I have just one word for these: Eh (although I like the cursive of the name, but there’s nothign else going on).
21. Memphis Grizzlies
These otherwise plain jerseys swing and miss with the side banner that looks like Greek lettering.
20. Detroit Pistons
I like the subtle hints of color on the trim, but these don’t rank higher despite being quite clean.
19. Brooklyn Nets
I’ve seen these around for a while, and I like them, but the Nets are so irrelevant the players could all wear clown suits and it wouldn’t attract attention in New York.
18. Sacramento Kings
Slick, simple, purple, and without any sense of irony or performance.
17. Charlotte Hornets
These would be the best uniforms in the entire league… if they were the right color!!! (still look cool as hell though)
16. Chicago Bulls
I like the stars on the side that represent the Chicago flag, and I like the colors and the cursive font, but it all just doesn’t come together in a way that’s cohesive.
15. Golden State Warriors
I love the logo of the tree, “The Town,” and the golden brown vintage look they’re going with here (but I’m partial to their classic blue and yellow unis myself).
14. Houston Rockets
Some people might disagree with me on this, but H-Town is a stupid nickname for Houston, and it sullies what is an otherwise sick look they’re going with.
13. New Orleans Pelicans
Pelicans jerseys are usually real bad, so it’s a shock that these are quite fetching (especially the font used).
12. Phoenix Suns
These have been around for a bit, but I still appreciate The Valley, the skyline, the colors, and the way the numbers look.
11. Toronto Raptors
Everybody loves these throwback jerseys with the cartoon dinosaur dribbling, but they didn’t commit to it! Just make the whole thing purple or red like they used to be!
10. Milwaukee Bucks
If you love retro looks, a nice white jersey, and… Cream… Then you will love these like I do.
9. Cleveland Cavaliers
Now THIS is how you do a throwback uniform.
8. Atlanta Hawks
Couldn’t they have added a peach to these to really make them hornier? That’s all I’m asking.
7. New York Knicks
Knicks fan here to say: These are fucking rad, and I love them.
6. Orlando Magic
It’s as if Walt Disney himself designed these.
5. San Antonio Spurs
These should be the default jerseys. Gorgeous.
4. Minnesota Timberwolves
LOVE the Prince Purple Rain album, and these uniforms as well; these are a solid ass tribute to him.
3. Indiana Pacers
I truly despise how utterly incredible these are because I abhor the Pacers, but I cannot deny the artistry at hand here.
2. Miami Heat
“Miami Vice” colors, font, and theming need to be applied to every Heat jersey from now on. They’re THAT unbelievable.
1. Denver Nuggets
The rainbow over the mountains and the city seal the deal. This is the best jersey in the league when the Nuggets wear them (and not those stupid 5280 ones).
Image credit: Liam Shaw
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