Most games based on a license are bad. Historically so! The industry is littered with books, films, TV shows, comics, and products that were quick cash grabs.

But every now and again, there’s a game based on a license that kicks ass, and it’s those games that I desperately want back in my life. A remake? A remaster? A port, or perhaps a re-imagining? I’ll take whatever I can get.

Make it happen, mega conglomerates! You stupid assholes. I’m mostly looking at you EA, Activision, and Ubisoft.

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‘The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction’ (2005)

Before HD graphics were the standard for excellence, it was environmental destruction. And the character most meant to smash up whole city blocks is the Incredible Hulk. Lots of open world games would take heavy inspiration from this surprise gem (namely “Prototype,” “Crackdown,” and “Infamous”). You could rip a car in half and make impromptu boxing gloves out of them! Brilliant.

Verdict: I’d take a remaster.

‘Transformers’ (2004, PS2) and ‘Transformers: War for Cybertron’ (2010)

These games kick so much ass. Changing into a car, driving around, picking up upgrades, shooting Decepticons; what more could one ask for? Why did they stop making these, exactly? This is what video games were meant to do god damnit!

Verdict: Just Port These Already! Please!

Both ‘Marvel: Ultimate Alliance’ Games (2006 and 2009)

Ironically, there was a third game in the series that was just a Switch exclusive. And the first two MUA games are listed on the Xbox store, but are unavailable to purchase. What is Microsoft hiding? Why won’t they let me press the “buy” button? I know these consoles can emulate these games, and they’re already in HD, so just bring over the 360 versions. Simple! What’s the hold up?

Verdict: Just Port These Already! Please!

‘PocketBike Racer,’ ‘Big Bumpin’,’ and ‘Sneak King’ (2006)

The fact that I bought these games at a Burger King in 2006 alongside a delicious meal is such a rare blessing. It will never be done again in my lifetime. These were pretty okay games that spawned cult followings, and I am a member in that cult. Backwards compatible shadow drop when?

Verdict: Full. Blown. Remake. Now.

Both ‘X-Men: Legends’ Games (2004 and 2005)

The precursor to “Marvel Ultimate Alliance” was the also fantastic “X-Men Legends” and “X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse.” Built in the mold of the “Gauntlet” games, these were co-op RPGs from an isometric angle, and you could cycle through characters on the fly. But I guess the world doesn’t want those games anymore, since now all we get is “Diablo IV.”

Verdict: I’d take remasters.

‘Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers’ and ‘Return of the King’ (2002 and 2003)

Remember when EA used to put out a lot of games and a majority of them were good? And when publishers didn’t torpedo “Lord of the Rings” games with microtransactions? These games fucking ruled, and were so endlessly replayable. Different characters, new combos, terrific missions, and (at the time) amazing graphics that blended into live action cut scenes from the films.

Verdict: I’d take remasters.

‘The Simpsons: Hit & Run’ and ‘The Simpsons Game’ (2003 and 2007)

We will never see another Simpsons game because Disney has done a deal with the devil (Epic Games and “Fortnite”). What I wouldn’t give to play these two again. Simply the two best games based on the greatest television program of all time. It’s beyond egregious that fans are left with no way to play either, or the beat ’em up arcade game. Shameful!

Verdict: I’d take remasters.

‘Peter Jackson’s King Kong’ (2005)

I have over 160K in Gamer Score, but have still not played this for the free 1000g. Let me get those easy achievements. This seems like a lot of fun!

Verdict: Just Port This Already! Please!

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Image credit: litoon dev