There are a lot of games coming out in 2026. I know this because 19,000 new games came out on Steam last year, and even more on consoles and phones that skipped PC entirely. We know the release dates for a number of big titles in the first half of the year, and I’m confident they will come out. “Nioh 3,” “Mario Tennis Fever,” “”Resident Evil Requiem,” “Pokemon Pokopia,” “Pragmata,” and “Saros” are all safe bets.

Could any of these be delayed? Yes, of course. “007 First Light” from IO Interactive already moved from March to May. “Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight” might move into the summer as well to avoid James Bond.

But here is what I do know for certain: Nothing good ever happens, especially to me, and there is no justice in the universe. The biggest games labeled as 2026 are fugazi. They are not real. They will never come out, and my pessimism will be vindicated!

So, here are the most hyped games, ranked in terms of how good they look, that will in fact be pushed out of the year just to spite me specifically.

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Runners-Up

There is no way on gods green earth that the following games are coming out this year. Games take way too long to make, to market, to polish, and no one wants to be a part of the threat of “Grand Theft Auto VI’s” release date. Kiss goodbye to “Atomic Heart 2,” “Lords of the Fallen II,” “Mortal Shell II,” “Onimusha: Way of the Sword,” any remake from Ubisoft but especially “The Sands of Time,” any Tomb Raider, and “Witchbrook.”

New “Witcher 3” DLC? No. New Mario? No. New “Luigi’s Mansion or Animal Crossing? No. New Half-Life? Nope. Anything Star Wars? Not a chance. Silk Song DLC? Not in this lifetime, buddy! A new “Forza” and “Pokémon” Gen 10 — that’s all we’re getting this fall. If you think a surprise “Blade” reveal is coming, boy do I have bad news for you. That’s also pure fiction.

My motto? No release date + no gameplay = not a real product.

10. ‘Bloodstained: The Scarlet Engagement’

It’s been exactly 84 years since the first “Bloodstained” came out to critical acclaim. Clearly, Koji Igarashi and co. were hard at work on a sequel, but, hey, guess what this isn’t coming out when I want it to because I hate myself, and I’m only happy when being miserable and suffering. I can’t process good news, so my brain has to believe this is still years away. How dare they.

9. ‘Fable’

Are we sure this game isn’t cancelled? Would we put it past Microsoft to just dump this entire project, fire the team, shit-can the IP, and see a slight rise in stock price? I’m still not convinced there is even a “Fable” being worked on at the moment, so I would not be shocked whatsoever to see this just be a dream like “Perfect Dark,” only meant to boost morale or recruit talent or whatever the fuck MS explains the lack of progress as.

8. ‘Marvel 1943: Rise of Hydra’

Here’s another smoke and mirrors CGI cut-scene masquerading as a real video game. Amy Hennig hasn’t gotten a major publisher to release one of her games in a long while, so why the hell would I put faith in Skydance New Media? Ironic that the next wave of American fascism is going to own a game ostensibly about defeating Nazis (Hydra) in combat. This will never come out.

7. ‘Vampire Crawlers: The Turbo Wildcard from Vampire Survivors’

For something that looks like it runs off of a Nintendo DS, I would be stunned to see an indie dev crank out a new game in a new genre so quickly after producing DLCs for the original “Vampire Survivors.” Same with “Super Meat Boy 3D.” Indie teams take their sweet-ass time now, and good for them. They deserve to not be crunched. But another heartbreaking delay is incoming, I fear. Because I fear that for everything.

6. ‘Slay the Spire II’

This getting out of early access? Not in this decade! This is going to be the next great roguelike deck builder that everyone else tries to catch up to, and it’ll take them forever to hit 1.0.

5. ‘Gears of War: E-Day’

Microsoft seemingly hates video games. They hate making them, they hate paying employees to make them, and they would rather cancel everything and lay off thousands than produce more games that don’t sell well on Xbox, but do on PS5. They love AI and only want to invest in that until the bubble bursts. No way this makes 2026!

4. ‘Marvel’s Wolverine’

This looks incredible. Insomniac will push it to work on it, but really Sony will blink at “GTA VI” only for THAT to also be delayed out of the year. More on that later.

3. ‘Control Resonant’

I blame everyone not reading this article for the predicament Remedy finds themselves in. They make the most impressive, creative, and artistic games that should appeal to a mass audience, and yet nobody buys them. You, dear reader, are brilliant for reading our website and probably playing their games. But the people not reading this are fools. They will not let this game be a success. Fuck them. Casual fans mean nothing to me, and I spit on them!

2. ‘The Duskbloods’

If this wasn’t PvPvE, it would be my most anticipated game. But once From Software figures out they can’t run a multiplayer game on Switch 2 hardware, they’ll be forced to spend more time on it and maybe put it on PS5 and PC. Miyazaki is no idiot; he took Nintendo’s big bag of cash. Good for him.

1. ‘Grand Theft Auto VI’

There is a pocket economy online surrounding this game’s imminent release. The most anticipated and hyped game of all time, and I smell a May 2027 release date being dropped on us in the summer because Rockstar devs are perfectionists who still can’t do checkpoints right or invent better mission designs.

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Image Credit: “The Duskbloods,” From Software