You may not know me, who I am, or what I’ve played, but I was there day one for “God of War” back on the PS2. I was there for every game, and I’ve played them all with the sole exception of the mobile one: “Betrayl.”

Nobody needs to talk, or think, about that one ever again.

So when I tell you that this new game, the surprising Metroidvania shadowdrop “Sons of Sparta,” is the worst one since “Ascension,” I kind of mean it might be the worst one since “Betrayl.” It really feels like this is maybe the worst game in the series, which means for as exciting the rumors were, and for how thrilling the announcement was, this game is a huge letdown. A colossal disappointment.

Merely, simply, by being a mediocre game. That’s how high the bar has been set for this franchise.

I think it all begins at the conception. It’s a terrific idea to want to make a prequel or spin-off game, even if 2D, to any of Sony’s big series. That goes for “Ratchet & Clank,” “Uncharted,” “Bloodborne,” and the others. On paper, this all sounds ideal. Young Kratos! Metroidvania! Mid-budget! Shadow drop after a presentation!

But why is this game retro in any way? Pixel art harkens back to an age well before the original came out in 2005. This franchise doesn’t have a hint of retro or nostalgia behind it. It’s a modern-day retelling of ancient Greece with the best graphics imaginable. There’s no reason to make this look like a Sega Genesis game! It’s off-putting.

Unfortunately, the execution here is just lacking, considering the expectations that come with putting the player in control of Kratos again. You can tell this isn’t made by Santa Monica because the entire game is not well thought out like their games usually are. And it sucks for me to type all of this because I play a lot of “Backyard” sports games from Mega Cat Studios, and they bit off more than they could chew here.

The map here isn’t super interesting to explore. The combat feels bad, the platforming is loose, and the controls are not precise like every other “GoW.” The music isn’t as epic as Bear McCreary’s previous works. Traversal sucks, and the double jump takes too long to get. And there is a major commitment here to the story, which is NOT the main feature of the Greek “GoW” games, let me tell you.

This game will not shut the fuck up ever! Every conversation is mandatory; you can’t skip through it, and the sprites just stand there, and don’t move as the subtitles pop up lazily. Nobody cares about what these kids are up to. I’m sorry, but there’s Greek mythology through the guise of Shakespearean drama, and then there’s fetch quests in the form of clunky dialogue.

This is such a rote experience. Go here, get new thing, go back, level up, backtrack, listen to his brother talk about nonsense, fight a small and unepic boss battle, repeat. It’s boring, which is NOT something Kratos killing monsters should be!

The first upgrade I got was a fourth hit to my main bread and butter combo. It had a long startup animation, it was a horizontal jumping thrust, and it was legit worse than what I had previously. The stingy upgrades are limp. There’s not a great fast travel system in place. The enemies aren’t fun to fight, and there is a brutally glacial pace to the opening hours.

Compare it to 2024’s “Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown,” and it pales. Man, that game just moved, and was fun immediately. Game Boy Advance “Castlevania” games had more going on with them. It’s like they undid all of the innovations of the past 30 years.

The UI is a tad confusing; sometimes, the smoothness of how Kratos moves clashes with the pixelated graphics, and the whole thing is a visual mess. It’s not consistent, and I’m not really sure any part of this game does anything well.

I don’t want to see this kind of effort put in with any other series I love because it does not bode well for the future. Which double sucks because it takes forever for anything to come out of a first-party studio! And this is what we get? For years?

They should have just ported over the collections from the PS3. This is not what I want, nor is this what anybody needs.

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Image credit: “God of War: Sons of Sparta”