Sometimes, procrastination can be a real bitch.
Years ago, I had written down an idea to rank soda machines and fake sodas in various video games. So many games had these placeholder vending machines around, and so many billboards or posters for fictional soda brands, I thought “Man, this would be a killer idea for an article! I’m a genius.” Except that I wasn’t a genius because instead of getting to work, I forgot about it. And then all of a sudden I find that somebody else has taken this concept and actually ran with it, in a way that I would never be able to top.
The Video Game Soda Machine Project, a very cool website that I highly recommend you check out here, seems to have stopped posting in August of 2021. And that’s a real shame, because this thing is a treasure trove of screenshots from thousands of games. It’s been written about in Rock, Paper, Shotgun (boy, did I miss the boat on this one) and is made by Jess Morrisette, a professor and game developer. And of course, this seems to be the tip of the iceberg when it comes to these types of collections (there are ones for manhole covers, hot dogs, viruses, toilets, etc.).
I think I had the idea when playing “The Stanley Parable” or a “Half-Life” game, I can’t be sure, but it just dawned on me that there must be so many devs and publishers over the years who had to insert fake, made up brands for coke cans and Sprite bottles, and had to invent an entire marketing campaign for things like Sprunk in “Grand Theft Auto” or SoulStorm from the “Oddworld” series.
Now, it’s no secret that I love soda. It’s my favorite beverage and go-to choice for any occasion. I’ve been drinking this shit and reviewing it since long before social media hit the internet. But this is one of those cases where somebody had accomplished a dream I had, years ago, and I’m only finding out about it now. But I’m not salty at all! I think this is phenomenal, and I wish I could carry the torch and continue to update this blog with all of the sodas since 2021.
I’m sure both “High on Life” games have commercials dedicated to fake flavors. And if you include coffee, then man do I have the video game for you! It’s called “Alan Wake 2” and there’s a god damn theme park dedicated to it.
In conclusion, please check out The Video Game Soda Machine Project and crack open a tasty can of whatever brand you prefer in honor of the sugary syrup-laced soft drink we all love to dissolve our teeth with. With my luck, scientists are going to discover that drinking soda reduces your lifespan by 50 years and that will explain a lot, and then it will be outlawed by President Mr. Beast.
Image Credit: “Sunset Overdrive,” Insomniac Games
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