We’ve all played a Castlevania game. You whip werewolves, mummies, Frankenstein’s monsters, bats, wolves, sexy witches, sexy harpies, sexy succubus’s, sexy demons… listen, a lot of the enemies are sexy ladies. But they’re all evil in the game so it’s cool that you kill them.

This vampire-laden series has been around since 1986, and I’ve played most of them. Because I’m super hype for the upcoming “Belmont’s Curse,” I decided to rank all of the games, including the spiritual successor “Bloodstained” titles from creative director Koji Igarashi.

So if you’ve seen the Netflix anime and want more from the Belmont family, let me guide you to which to play first and which to maybe never touch. Also, I’m not counting the collections, but those are the best ways to play the GBA and DS games.

#39 Through #30: The Bad Ones

“Order of Shadows,” “Castlevania Judgement,” “Castlevania The Adventure,” “Castlevania 64,” “Legacy of Darkness,” “Castlevania Legends,” “Castlevania Arcade,” “Grimoire of Souls,” “Harmony of Despair,” and “Haunted Castle”

These are not very good games, and some are just totally forgotten about. You’d have to go to like, one specific arcade in Chicago to play the arcade game, and honestly you should just avoid these. Maybe watch a YouTube video of the N64 game just to see what you’re missing out on. It’s kind of unplayable by today’s standards, as are most 3D games back in the ’90s without having dual stick controls for the camera.

#29 Through #20: For Hardcore Fans ONLY

“Kid Dracula,” “Vampire Killer,” “Castlevania Puzzle: Encore of the Night,” “Castlevania Chronicles,” “Castlevania II: Belmon’t Revenge,” “Lament of Innocence,” “Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest,” “The Adventure ReBirth,” “Lords of Shadow 2,” and “Mirror of Fate”

I really like some of these for the ideas they brought to the table, the art design, and because of nostalgia. But only the most dedicated fans should be interested in tracking down (or emulating) things like “Kid Dracula.” I love it, but most people don’t.

#19 Through #11: Give ’em A Go! Why Not

“Lords of Shadow,” “Curse of Darkness,” “Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon 2,” “Dracula X,” “Castlevania,” “Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon,” “Castlevania III,” “Super Castlevania IV,” and “Bloodlines”

This batch is among the games that will make people say “that should have been top ten!” and I totally understand. These are all very good games, some even great, but I had to draw the line somewhere and they didn’t quite make the top ten.

Alright, now to the good shit!

#10. “Rondo of Blood”

This ranking will piss a lot of people off, but gamers all know deep down the Metroidvania style games are just better than traditional platformers. It’s true, so let’s all stop pretending “Rondo of Blood” should rank above any Metroidvania game.

#9. “Dracula X Chronicles”

This is a remake of “Rondo of Blood” but only came to the PlayStation Portable. I can’t believe I had to emulate a PSP in order to play this. Why isn’t Konami selling this to me for money right now? I would pay through the nose for something like this to return!

#8. “Circle of the Moon”

This is the first, and worst, of the Game Boy Advance games. But even that distinction makes it better than most other “Castlevania” games because this is still playable and very fun today, and has a good-ass soundtrack.

#7. “Harmony of Dissonance”

You can tell Konami (back when they made video games more often) was refining their formula with this one, and would soon perfect it soon after this released.

#6. “Portrait of Ruin”

Even though I think it’s the third-best DS Castlevania game, this is still a really fantastic title and worthy of a rerelease or remake or remaster. These games are all trapped on the DS and should see the light of day without the need for piracy! Please let me give you our money, Konami and Nintendo.

#5. “Order of Ecclesia”

I wish there were more games made that were like this. This is the last Metroidvania Konami ever made (before handing off the franchise to other indie devs to play with), and they went out with a bang. The art, the music, the weapons, the levels and the spells; it’s all just a heavy metal explosion come to life.

#4. “Dawn of Sorrow”

This tried to ride the coat tails of “Aria of Sorrow,” but no one likes having to use the touch screen to draw symbols to complete puzzles and spells and boss battles. If you screw it up, you have to start all over again. Otherwise this would be higher.

#3. “Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night”

Is this technically speaking a “Castlevania” game? No, not officially. But it is, let’s be real. This is the spiritual sequel to that series from the man who reinvented it, and there is nothing new this game does. It’s all just remixes of previous “Castlevania” games, and is one in everything but name only. It also happens to be one of the best Metroidvanias ever made!

#2. “Aria of Sorrow”

I don’t know how you can manage to squeeze such a master work into the tiny Game Boy Advance, but Konami did it with “Aria of Sorrow.” This is a magnificent game that is paced exceptionally well, plays like a dream and is addicting as hell. Just an incredible game that everyone should play in the “Castlevania Advance Collection” that’s out now.

#1. “Symphony of the Night”

There is no other choice. This is the no-brainer to end all no-brainers. Too many lists on the internet don’t put this game number one, and that makes me upset. This is the best Metroidvania game ever made, bar none. No other “Metroid” or “Castlevania” game ever tops “SotN,” and nothing tops this game’s music, secrets, level design, art, variety, replayability, or the upside down castle reveal that happens more than halfway through the game. Mind blowing stuff for the ’90s.

Even the sound effects are iconic. Lines of dialogue from this game live on as if they’re modern day Shakespeare. “Symphony of the Night” is one of the greatest video games ever made, maybe the single greatest, and is the must play title everyone should experience if you’re interested in video games. The definition of a MUST PLAY in this artform.

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Image Credit: “Castlevania: Symphony of the Night,” Konami