The WNBA is expanding! Again! This time it’s new (or old) expansion teams joining. In 2028, the Cleveland Rockers are returning. 2029? It’s the Detroit Shock. When 2030 hits, Philadelphia gets its first team. But what should it be called? There’s no old team name from an expired or moved Philly squad, so there’s no precedent to be established, no logos to go off of, no colors to continue on, and no traditions in place already.
After doing an exhaustive amount of research into this preposterous subject matter, I have come up with a personal ranking of what I think should be the best options for the new nickname. I did this exact same exercise for the upcoming Las Vegas NBA team, which still doesn’t have a name, by the way.
Before the rankings begin, I will have to sort of rule out some good options that were already taken. The new WNBA Philly team can’t really choose the following nicknames (although they could be dicks about it): Phillies (MLB), Eagles (NFL), 76ers (NBA), Flyers (NHL), Union (MLS), Iron Pigs (Triple-A Baseball), Fightin’ Phils (Double-A baseball), Blue Claws (High-A baseball), Threshers (Single-A baseball), or 87ers (G-League basketball).
So without further ado, let’s get through some of the bad joke ones before getting to the good ones.
60. Any of the leftover ideas from the Washington Commanders: Red Tails, Defenders, Brigade, Armada, or Admirals
59. Philadelphia Eaglets or Birds — “Go Birds” could have a whole new meaning now!
58. Philadelphia Chime — Bells chime, sometimes.
57. Philadelphia Ballers — These women know ball.
56. Philadelphia Wills or Willies — Is he the most famous Philly celebrity we’ve ever had? Not counting anything before the 20th century, that is.
55. Philadelphia Grit or Grittys — Could there be a female Gritty mascot on the way?
54. Philadelphia Hot Streaks or Hot Shots — I have hot sauce on the mind.
53. Philadelphia Amish — Y’all ever see “Witness?” That shit slaps so hard.
52. Philadelphia Jawns — Everything is a jawn, for some reason, in Philly.
51. Philadelphia Stampede — If there’s one fanbase that is capable of one, it’s Philly fans.
50. Philadelphia SEPTAs — Have they figured out the deal with this thing yet? People keep complaining.
49. Philadelphia Wawas — Makes me want to go there right now. Did you know they have burgers, tacos, and pizza now? Man I’m hungry.
48. Philadelphia Hoagies — Did I mention how hungry I am?
47. Philadelphia Ben Franklins — Da Franks. Da Bens. Da Bennies. It could work.
46. Philadelphia Cheese/Cream Cheese/Cheesesteaks — It’s too obvious NOT to be a potential candidate.
45. Philadelphia Whiz — Sorry I have cheese on the mind.
44. Philadelphia Ruffed Grouses — The state bird.
43. Philadelphia Roses — If Unrivaled goes under, you also get access to the Breeze, Hive, Bees, Laces, Lunar Owls, Mist, Phantoms, and Vinyl.
42. Philadelphia Mountain Laurel — The state flower.
41. Philadelphia Quakers — Why do I have food on the mind when writing this article specifically? I’m just envisioning the guy on a package of caramel popped rice crisps.
40. Philadelphia Corsairs — We already have pirates, buccaneers, and raiders. Why not corsairs?
39. Philadelphia Keys or Kites — The Keystone State, Ben Franklin and the key…name says it all.
38. Philadelphia Seventy Sisters or the 76Hers — I do love a good pun! Unfortunately these are not some of them.
37. Philadelphia Broad Street Broads — Neither is this one.
36. Philadelphia Hemlocks or Poison — Poisoooooooooooooooon POISON
35. Philadelphia Nest Eggs — Baby birds could be eagles.
34. Philadelphia Dragons — Some day a pro team will be called the Dragons. I doubt that day will be today, though.
33. Philadelphia Snowballs/Snowbirds — Eagles fans famously threw snowballs at Santa. What a great way to honor that time in the city’s history.
32. Philadelphia Style — Big Willie style, baby.
31. Philadelphia Talons/Feathers/Scouts — Eagle Scouts. Ca-cawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
30. Philadelphia Fighters/Boxers/Rockys/Adrians — They would play this theme song in the arena every single game and it would NEVER get old.
29. Philadelphia Dogs/Dawgs/Pups/Paws — Not enough pro sports teams named after dogs, IMHO. College, yes, but pros, no.
28. Philadelphia Deer/Antlers/Antelope/Gazelles/Does — The white tailed deer is the official state animal of Pennsylvania.
27. Philadelphia Swish — Nike would not sue.
26. Philadelphia National Treasures — Do your best Nic Cage impression now.
25. Philadelphia Preambles — The good ol’ ‘ambles. Ambling.
24. Philadelphia Declarations — Can’t think of a clever nickname for this, because “rations” sounds bizarre and wrong.
23. Philadelphia Greyhounds or Hounds — They run fast.
22. Philadelphia Presidents — We should have had two women presidents by now!
21. Philadelphia Athenas — All she does is bother Kratos even after death, and I find that badass.
20. Philadelphia Founders — NOT the founding fathers, though. The founding MOTHERS.
19. Philadelphia Mint, Silver Dollars, Gold or Goldies — A sneaky underrated part of the city is our currency is printed there. And Denver, but whatever.
18. Philadelphia Grace — Sounds elegant and fits.
17. Philadelphia Virtue — Sounds elegant and fits better.
16. Philadelphia Independence or Indies — Sounds elegant and fits the best.
15. Philadelphia Queens or Monarchs — It would be ironic since the people of Philly started to throw out the British monarchy! But also you can’t do the Kings, that’s already taken.
14. Philadelphia Flags/Betsy Ross’s/Stars and Stripes — Not Stars OR Stripes, it has to be both or neither.
13. Philadelphia Gems/Diamonds — Maybe I still have the U.S. Mint thing on my mind…
12. Philadelphia Penns — Not Penn Station, the state.
11. Philadelphia Sunshine or Sunnies — They will never do this but they should.
10. Philadelphia Apollos — A Greek God, a man, but also mostly this fantastic fictional character played by Carl Weathers. RIP
9. Philadelphia Love — Imagine if Kevin Love played for this team.
8. Philadelphia Creed — A badass name for a badass movie.
7. Philadelphia Spiders — Sounds cool.
6. Philadelphia Black Widows — Sounds cooler.
5. Philadelphia Nightmare — Sounds coolest.
4. Philadelphia Rage — If there’s one thing I know about Philly fans, it’s that they are full of rage, spite, hatred, and loathing. Intense fanbase there, who are miserable about everything and never happy. Super Bowl MVP Jalen Hurts? Not good enough, get rid of him! Joel Embiid wins MVP? Toss him out of town! This is a perfect name.
3. Philadelphia Revolution or Revolutionaries — I do not care that there’s an MLS team in New England with this name. Fuck them.
2. Philadelphia Bells or Belles — I am loathed to include this one because there is already a team called the New York Liberty. The whole iconography of the team is based around the iconic teal color of the Statue of Liberty, and they’re the 2024 Champs. I just think this name is a little too cute by half, because it will always be implying the players are “Liberty Bells” but again, that would be too coincidental with the NY Liberty. Still, enough people seem to be rooting for this so I’ll put it second.
1. Philadelphia Freedom — Comes with its own theme song included!
Image Credit: Daniel
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