This guest post is written by the hilarious and wonderful Mike Ryan.
A few years ago, I decided to try to watch all of the “Children of the Corn” films. I think my thinking was that so many people are experts on one horror franchise – and the comically large numbers of sequels these movies produce – and I could be that for “Children of the Corn,” basically because it felt like the last franchise not taken that also had an outlandish amount of sequels that most people have never heard of. Compare this to “Friday the 13th,” a franchise with 12 theatrical entries (and, now, a streaming television series), but most people are aware “Friday the 13th” has a lot of sequels because they all were released in theaters. Most people are surprised to learn that there are 11 “Hellraiser” films. And most people are downright shocked to learn there are 11 “Children of the Corn” movies.
I did not succeed in my efforts. I made it through four of them. I watched the first three entries, then skipped ahead to 1999’s “Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return,” which is directed by Kari Skogland, who also directed “Falcon and the Winter Soldier.” It just came to a point with these “Children of the Corn” films that I found myself thinking, “I could be watching literally anything else.” Then, “I could be doing literally anything else.” So, I stopped. (Though, I would guess I am probably in the 10th percentile of “number of ‘Children of the Corn’ films watched by every living human.”)
Even though the second film has one pretty terrific scene, and the third film has some interesting ideas for how the franchise might move forward (that were not enacted upon), the sequels just don’t have the charm of the first film – a film most people don’t even like that much to begin with. Yet, I do. And it’s all because of Peter Horton as Burt.
Now, for those of you who are not as entrenched in the “Children of the Corn” lore as I am, directed by Fritz Kiersch, “Children of the Corn,” based on a Stephen King short story, was met with not-great reviews and middling box office. Released in March of 1984, it would come in fourth on its opening weekend (behind “Splash,” “Footloose,” and “Against All Odds”) and go on to gross $14 million.
The film begins in Gatlin, Nebraska, as the children of the town lead an uprising against the adults and murder them all. When kids reach 18, they are sacrificed – an age that kind of makes the plot of “Logan’s Run” seem reasonable in comparison.
Three years after these events, Burt and Vicky (Horton and Linda Hamilton; “Terminator” would come out seven months later) are driving through Nebraska and run over a young boy who had been trying to flee Gatlin (and had already been mortally stabbed). Not knowing what to do with the body, and running low on gas, the two wind up in Gatlin and are hounded by Isaac, who claims he had a direct line to the god who wants everyone murdered, and Isaac’s main henchman, Malachai (played by John Franklin and Courtney Gains, who a lot of people know best from “Can’t Buy Me Love”).
Anyway, the rest of the movie is basically a bunch of kids constantly attacking Burt and Vicky. Oh, and they corn Burt and Vicky’s car, which is supposed to be disturbing but is kind of hilarious. It’s as if just egging the car like normal kids wouldn’t be “on brand” enough for the children of the corn, so instead the car is “corned,” which seems a lot easier to clean up than eggs. Burt and Vicky got off easy here compared to any other town in America circa 1984.
What makes this film remarkable to me is the way Peter Horton plays Burt. Burt is a doctor, so he’s smart. But Burt also has an advantage against all the kids chasing him: Burt is a grown adult. Burt is stronger and faster than all of these kids. He can easily push them away or run away from them. Now, many scenes of Peter Horton running away from kids might not make the most exciting of movies – and is probably a big reason “Children of the Corn” isn’t well-regarded – but I do appreciate Burt’s advantage of “being a grown man” isn’t ignored. Burt spends most of the movie just incredulous that any of these kids think they have a chance against him, who, again, is a grown man. (Peter Horton is a wonderful runner in this. He should get more credit for his movie running skills.)
There’s one scene in particular in which Burt walks into a crowded church as an 18-year-old kid is about to be sacrificed. Does Burt run away in terror? Does he look for some sort of a weapon? Now, he walks in, says, “Stop that!,” then easily pushes three kids out of his way. Burt can do this because he is a grown man and the children are not as strong as him. (This is also why I have a little disbelief while watching “Weapons,” because I think a normal healthy adult could fend off the kids. I’ve seen Burt do it.)
Now, what’s really great about this scene is, again, there’s no terror. Burt acts like any of us would and just angrily says, “What the hell is going on here?! Are you crazy? What do you think you are doing?” When the kid being sacrificed explains it’s his 18th birthday and this is what they do, Burt says, “You’ve got a sick way of celebrating it, pal.” This is an amazing line delivery. Not only is Burt not at all scared, he’s openly mocking these kids because he feels no threat. Burt is oozing pure contempt for these brats. No matter my affection towards it, it’s kind of insane this was a movie that was (a) made and (b) released into theaters as something advertised as “scary.”
Okay, to be fair, Burt gets a little too cocky and, while distracted, he does get stabbed. But his stab wound doesn’t seem to affect him much as the movie goes along. Burt is still very fast and is much stronger than any of the kids.
The very last scene of the film encapsulates the whole thing. Burt and Vicky have escaped the kids and both Isaac* and Malachai have been vanquished. The cornfield demon god has exploded. Burt and Vicky, along with two of the children they befriended, return to their corned car. It is no longer drivable, but Burt needs to grab the map out of the car so the four know where they are going. The girl who had earlier stabbed Burt is hiding in the backseat as jump scare music kicks in. She is holding a corn husker. She is going to husk Burt.
*Well, at least until “Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return.”
Burt just stops her from husking him by grabbing her arm, because he’s an adult man. He then heists the car, she screams, “You must die!” Burt then just slams the car door shut as she lunges, it hits her in the head knocking her unconscious. That’s it. The movie then ends. (This is back when movies just used to end once the plot was over.)
“Children of the Corn” is about a town where the children are so evil they murdered all the adults. And absolutely nothing could stop them … except for a grown adult, with grown adult strength and speed, who found them annoying.
There are ten more “Children of the Corn” movies after this. I still need to watch seven of them.
Image credit: “Children of the Corn”
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